Episode #55: I cannot give you more time...
I cannot give you more time. But, I can show you the doorway back to you. I can guide you through some of the common traps. And show you the steps. I can help you reclaim who you were put on this earth to be. And teach you how to start to notice the messages, beliefs, habits, programming loops and strategies that are no longer consistent with who you are at your highest and best. I can challenge you to think differently about what you have been told is true about being human. And I can hold space for you on the journey. The 6 Steps to Stress Recovery and Burnout Prevent is LIVE.
TRANSCRIPT
Intro
Welcome to the Freedom from Empty Podcast: Building Strong, Effective, Resilient Leaders and Humans. My name is Booth Andrews, and I am your host. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode.
By the time this episode is published, my first online program--6 Steps to Stress Recovery and Burnout Prevention--should be LIVE. You can find a link to more information in the link in my bio on my Instagram page @theboothandrews. My new website is also in process so there will likely be a few days when the course is not yet connected to my website. So, if you don’t find it at boothandrews.com, you can definitely find the course link in my bio on Instagram.
And if you have any questions about the course, you can reach out via [email protected]. So let’s get in to today’s episode.
Transcript
When I started this business, people asked me if I was sure I wanted to talk about mental health. While the conversation around mental health and efforts to break the stigma have definitely gained steam over the last few years, when I was researching this business in 2018, I had a hard time finding anyone talking about mental health in a direct way.
A number of people asked me if I wasn’t sure that I actually wanted to talk about work-life balance. That concept had gained mainstream traction years before.
But I was sure.
I did not want to talk about work-life balance.
For a couple of reasons.
One, for me, the language work-life balance implies that there is such a thing . . . an ideal existence when work and life are in perfect balance. I am a lawyer after all and the image of lady justice with her scales in balance is the image that my brain conjures in response to the idea of work-life balance.
I realize that not everyone will interpret the phrase the way my brain does.
But even before I crashed and burned, I was skeptical.
I used to tell leaders and emerging leaders that I wasn’t so sure there was any such thing as work-life balance. BUT, if we are lucky, we get to make values-based decisions about how we spend our time.
Now, I have a friend, Samantha Lane, Founder of Origami Day whose work I absolutely believe in. And she has created a business focused on teaching people how to make sure that what makes it on their calendar(s) actually fits their priorities.
But there was a missing link for me in the conversations around work-life balance.
When you are running on adrenaline, or running on empty, living in a state of constant stress or constant fight or flight, your barometer is off.
I have talked before about how we lose access to our pre-frontal cortex’s executive functions when we are in this state. These executive functions help us maintain context and perspective and allow us to organize and prioritize. When we are stressed, or chronically stressed, when we are burned out, when we are exhausted, we get tunnel vision. We cannot see clearly.
The missing link when I am stressed, exhausted, burned out, or living in fight or flight is this--EVERYTHING seems equally urgent and important. When people ask me what I can let go of, I don’t know the answer. It ALL has to be done. Every last bit of it. And since everyone else is slacking, I guess the person who has to do it is gonna be me. Can you relate to this thought pattern?!?!
The effectiveness of work-life balance strategies and planners and time blocking and all of the other things we use to try to manage our time depends on our ability and capacity to discern what matters most. And what doesn’t.
Within the 6 Steps to Stress Recovery and Burnout Prevention, I guide you through some of the key traps that keep us stuck:
- Not knowing our Why (also known as not being clear on our purpose on this earth)
- Living fueled by fear of not being enough (which generally leads to perfectionism)
- Shutting down or shoving down our emotions
- Forgetting that being human is actually our superpower--in other words, being human isn’t the problem. Ignoring our humanity will make us sick.
- Downplaying or downright ignoring our body’s messages and denying even our most basic needs such as rest, food, water, play, nature, and movement
- Thinking we don’t have time to take care of ourselves or that we can’t afford it.
- Trying to be everything to everyone; and
- Believing that we aren’t worth saving or extending grace, understanding and compassion to other people but not to ourselves
I cannot give you more time . . .
But I can show you the doorway back to you . . .
I can guide you through some of the common traps . . .
And show you the steps . . .
I can help you reclaim who you were put on this earth to be . . .
And how to start to notice the messages, beliefs, habits, programming loops and strategies that are no longer consistent with who you are at your highest and best . . .
I can challenge you to think differently about what you have been told is true about being human . . .
And I can hold space for you on the journey.
Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I had the chance to reflect a few times. To look back on the person I was 5, 7, even 10 years ago. Depleted, exhausted, unable to be present or to find joy anywhere anymore. Going through the motions. Still trying to do it all.
I personally didn’t struggle with the sense of failure that we often hear about when people (and perhaps more specifically women) aren’t able to do it all.
Because I did it all. And I was empty. Disconnected. And slowly dying from the inside out.
At that point in my life, simple time management tools couldn’t fix what was broken for me. Because what was broken went so very much deeper.
Now I want to share this information with you in context. Because context is important. I do not claim to have a magic bullet in the battle that is chronic mental illness. The sources and causes of mental illness are complex and highly individualized. I can only share my experience.
I started taking medication for severe depression, anxiety and insomnia in 2012. And I started therapy. But what I didn’t do with that time was change my expectations of myself and my performance. I kept running on adrenaline. Fueled by the terror of what would happen if I stopped moving. If you have been listening or engaging with my content for a while, you know that I kept pushing myself until my body said NO MORE. A full and complete STOP. If you don’t know this story, you can listen to Episode 1 of this podcast.
In 2019, my mental illness was declared in remission. I have found that a lot of people don’t have context for what this means. We all know what it means for cancer to be in remission but not mental illness. I described it this way . . . that while I still experienced symptoms of mental illness, and while my brain still has healing to do, my mental illness no longer prevents me from engaging in common life activities on a regular basis.
Over this summer, with the intentional support of my community, I was able to wean off of my antidepressant medication for the first time in 8 years. I still take medication to help me sleep and I do not have a timeline for weaning off of that medication.
Now, if you are wondering, I am not championing coming off of your medication. If you are on mental health medication right now, I am not judging you. And I don’t even necessarily believe that getting off of your medication should be your end goal. I absolutely believe that being on mental health medication allowed me to do the work I needed to do to heal my body and mind . . . and to get to this point. And that is an important piece of context. I continue to do the work. Every day. To heal my body and mind. To allow my emotions to move through my body. To rewire my brain. And to challenge my habits and beliefs about what it means to be worthy and valuable in this life. And I screw it up on a regular basis.
But ya’ll. I cried in response to a Christmas song yesterday. Like, tears streaming down my face. to be fair, the Christmas Shoes song is definitely a heart wrenching tearjerker of a song.
But ya’ll. I couldn’t cry when my Mom died. I was physically unable to cry. My body was so wound up, so constricted, so blocked, so desperate to maintain some semblance of control in my life that I physically couldn’t cry.
I used to raise an eyebrow when my therapist told me that crying was good for you. I was skeptical to say the least. But now, I celebrate the fact that my body isn’t holding on SO TIGHT to survival mode, that I could cry. An absolutely appropriate response to the lyrics in that song.
I cannot promise you more time. I am not that powerful. Although I can assure you again and again and again that the outcome of continuing to live your life chronically stressed or burned out is going to negatively affect your health and your lifespan. Period.
I cannot promise you more time. But perhaps I can promise you hope. Perhaps I can promise you that healing is possible. Perhaps I can promise you that your life (if it is making you sick) doesn’t have to be this way.
I cannot promise you more time. But I can perhaps promise you more of what matters most.
I cannot give you more time . . .
But I can show you the doorway back to you . . .
I can guide you through some of the traps . . .
And show you the steps . . .
I can help you reclaim who you were put on this earth to be . . .
And how to start to notice the messages, beliefs, habits, programming loops and strategies that are no longer consistent with who you are at your highest and best . . .
I can challenge you to think differently about what you have been told is true about being human . . .
And I can hold space for you on the journey.
At the release of this episode, Lord willing and the creek don’t rise (yes, I hesitate to make promises in 2020) the 6 Steps to Stress Recovery and Burnout Prevention will be LIVE. Go to the link in my bio on Instagram to find out more. I hope to see you there.
Outro
Thank you for listening today. And, if you haven’t already, please hit subscribe and remember to rate this podcast on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts. When you subscribe and rate, you make it easier for other people to find this content.
I look forward to being back with you next time!
