Episode #51: What do you not want to miss?

Black and white photo of a man with his toddler son

What do you not want to miss? We often get a huge dose of perspective when we lose someone or something we love. Or when we get a serious or possibly terminal diagnosis. When we are reminded that no moment is guaranteed. One of the elements of living in alignment with our own well-being is to be very clear on what matters most to us. This is your reminder. And your permission. 


One of the questions I ask my clients as we work to re-calibrate their lives to more closely align with their well-being (which includes aligning with your values and your purpose) is this: 

What do you not want to miss? 

I started this year . . . well before 2020 put an exclamation mark on so many things . . . with a blog and a podcast about what I was holding space for this year. 

I will link that episode in the show notes.

One of those things was my oldest daughter’s Senior volleyball season. I said “no” to some things earlier in the year that would have been Fall 2020 commitments, because I knew I wanted to be present for as many of her games as possible. 

With three kids in various activities and two parents who work for themselves, I have missed my share of games. 

While my oldest has dreamed of playing college volleyball, there are no guarantees. Particularly since she is “short” by volleyball standards. And who knows where those games might be IF she were to have the opportunity to play. 

And there is something about your Senior Season. Even if there are club seasons to follow. 

COVID-19 heightened my awareness even more. We entered a season never knowing if the next game would be cancelled: either for our own quarantine or the quarantine of the other team; or perhaps the whole school or the whole county would go back to virtual learning; or if all Fall sports would be cancelled outright at anytime.

We have known, on some level, in an even more pronounced way, that each game might be her last. 

Last night, there were a few other things I could have done with my time. Like attend a seasonal planning session for my business. Or continue writing and recording the modules for my course. I, gratefully, have A LOT of exciting projects on my plate right now. And, truthfully, have also been feeling a touch overwhelmed. 

Sometimes my ex and I “divide and conquer” since we still have two younger children at home. So, at one point, he thought he would try to get to the volleyball games last night. But when he couldn’t, I went. 

I put all of the projects to the side and focused on what I knew I didn’t want to miss. My daughter’s Senior volleyball season. 

And in the second game of the night, she suffered a season-ending injury. I am going to reserve my doubts and fears for now about whether she will ever play again. Not because her body cannot heal. But because this is the second injury to this ankle in just over a year, and because the damage she experienced, and the corresponding pain were so great, that last night, for the first time since she fell in love with volleyball, she said out loud that she might not ever want to play again. I told her we will save that decision for another time. 

At a minimum, she will miss the end of the season tournament. And she will not be ready for club tryouts. 

If there are COVID19 silver linings, I hope that one of them is a reinforcement for each of you that no moment is guaranteed. We do not have control over this life. We have inputs. But not control. 

I am heartbroken for my daughter. 

I am unbelievably grateful that I was there for her when they carried her off the court. And when they loaded her into the back of my car. And when I drove her 30 minutes back to the hospital. And as I sat with her for 4 hours in the emergency room. 

And I was gifted too with seeing her hit some absolutely beautiful shots earlier in the night. 

What do you not want to miss? 

Are you missing it? Are the stress and anxiety and competing demands and the definitions of success and worth and performance clouding your brain and overwhelming you so much that you cannot see clearly, or give yourself permission to step away and say “no” so that you can show up for the things that matter most? 

It still isn’t easy for me sometimes to keep my own head clear. To separate myself from my to do list. I still like to convince myself how much I can “accomplish” if I shut everything else out and just work, work, work, work. 

But my level of awareness and intentionality about how I spend my time has grown multi-fold over the last 5 years. 

I didn’t make every volleyball game this season. But I didn’t miss many. And if I did, it wasn’t for work. It was so I could be present for my other two children. Who need me too. 

I challenge you to consider, if you haven’t already, what do you not want to miss. 

No moment is guaranteed. 

I don’t say that to induce fear. I say that so that you might use THIS moment, with as much intentionality as you can muster. 

There’s the old adage about the fact that when we look back on our lives at the end, no one is going to care if that project was late. Or if we had to reschedule the meeting. Or if we didn’t get that title we wanted. Or if we didn’t check everything off of our to do list. 

We will wish for more time with the ones we love. We will wonder what impact we had on the people in our lives or on the world. If we will be remembered. What legacy we are leaving behind. 

I hope you will give yourself permission to discover what you don’t want to miss. 

And then. 

Don’t miss it. 


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I look forward to being back with you next time!