You Are Worth Saving
Often when I write, I write the message that I feel like I need to share. The message that wells within me and needs to be written. The message that is bubbling up from my conversations with friends, or family, clients or mentees, or people who have connected with me in some way. And I write with the hopes that the message I need to share needs to be heard by one or more of the people who will read it.
The message that is bubbling up from my interactions with people and clients right now is this:
YOU ARE WORTH SAVING.
I am seeing this struggle, and this truth, in two ways in my work right now:
People who reach out to me for help, who have a vulnerability hangover the next day. Like “Oh shit, I cannot believe I did that?! What was I thinking?! Now SHE knows! She knows something I didn’t want anyone to know. Something I may not even have admitted to myself until I accidentally hit “send” on that message. How could I have been so vulnerable and left myself open to [insert fear here]?! How DID that happen anyway?!?
People who are working with me. And somewhere in the process they find themselves between the “not this” and the “not yet.” And in that moment, which can sometimes span days or weeks or months, there is a very powerful temptation to TURN BACK, give up, and return to regularly scheduled programming. I will try to explain.
When individuals reach to me, they are generally caught in the flood waters of NOT THIS. They don’t really know how they got where they are. And they don’t really know for sure what they need. But they have come to clarity about one thing. NOT. THIS. They can no longer continue to live THIS way. They cannot do THIS anymore.
And so we start to unpack THIS. What is this anyway? How did they get here? What about it works for them? What about it used to work for them but doesn’t work anymore? How do they create a new vision for their life and work? And then, the hardest part . . . how do they let go of THIS so they have the space and energy to create their future?
And here is where the fear sets in. Because letting go of THIS is hard. AND SCARY.
Or, they get just enough relief to feel like the crisis has passed, and maybe they were just overreacting anyway, maybe things really aren’t as untenable or unsustainable as they thought they were.
When we have based our self-worth on our ability to show up in the world a certain way, it is a THREAT to our self-worth to change the way we show up. It is a threat to admit we are struggling. It is a threat to reveal our vulnerabilities and trust that people will not judge us, think less of us, abandon us.
Parts of our body and brain will tell us that we are in danger as we release these behaviors and beliefs about who we are and who we MUST be in order to survive.
Not only that, we go through a grieving process as we let go of these habits and beliefs.
And then, we come face-to-face with fear that if we do not continue to show up as we always have, that we have lost not only who we are, but that our very worth to the world has been lost, and that we are just a FAILURE at life.
We start to think, maybe all of this was a cruel joke?! We were naive to imagine that there could be anything different for us, anything more, anything but the way we have always lived for as long as we can remember.
We may even be facing fear or pressure from our loved ones as they struggle with “what will happen to them” if we change our way of showing up and being in the world.
We haven’t fully grasped or created or come to believe in a new and different future for ourselves. We are somewhere between NOT THIS and NOT YET.
In the space between not this and not yet, I want you to know that YOU ARE WORTH SAVING.
Yes, you have people depending on you. Yes, you have YOU depending on you. And guess what?
The people who depend on you every day need you to be whole. They need you to be well. They don’t need for you to be a fraction of yourself; only the part(s) of yourself that you show to the world because they are “acceptable” or “rewarded” or “safe.” They don’t need you to push yourself to a breaking point because you are afraid of functioning any other way. They need you to be as fully you as you can be so that you can bring your very best to the world.
You may not believe it yet. But I do. YOU ARE WORTH SAVING.
And I challenge you to commit yourself to your own well-being like you would commit to the well-being of someone you love or something you are incredibly passionate about.
It may take some time, and you are likely to come face to face with your fear along the way, but the journey between NOT THIS and the future you who is THRIVING will absolutely be worth it.
And I can assure you, as I assure my clients, that the world really will keep turning on its axis, even if you step out of habits and behaviors you have engaged for a lifetime and forge a new path.
If you needed to hear this message today, I am so grateful that I am the one who gets to share it with you. If you know someone who needs to hear it today—I would venture a guess that just about everyone needs to hear this throughout their lives—I hope you will share it with them by passing along this newsletter.
If you need individualized support on this journey from someone who has been there, I hope you will schedule a FREE 30-minute call with me.