What about joy?
It was late 2010 or early 2011. As you follow my story, you will find that I don't always have exact date recall and some of the details have been lost. I am more clear on the order in which things occurred.
At 38 years old, I was the CEO of a $5 million, regional non-profit with operations in three states. I had three healthy children. A kind husband. I was a community volunteer and leader. And a triathlete. I fancied myself 10 feet tall and bulletproof. A superhero.
I was in my office one day when the thought crossed my mind.
I don't think this realization came competely out of the blue. I think I was in the midst of a 21-day meditation series that Oprah had published, so I had opened the door to the power of meditation and reflection.
I didn't have JOY. I wasn't emotional on either end of the spectrum. I was consistent. Predictable. Reliable. Balanced. Measured. Controlled. Flat.
I could recall what it used to feel like to get to the end of a work week and be headed off for a holiday or a vacation. The lightness, and for me, just a sense of being fully content and able to BREATHE in the moment.
That was what joy felt like to me, and suddenly I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I had felt that way.
Somewhere inside of me, I made a decision. I did not want to live without joy. "Flat" just wasn't going to do it for me.
And so began the journey that I have chosen to share. With you. With the world. With whomever may need to benefit of the lessons I have learned. So that YOU will realize you are not alone on your path.
My greatest hope is that my experience will bring hope, light, courage, and strength to others. That all I have survived and learned along the way will be a gift to the world.